missing

So, I've been missing a lot of things lately.  Missing my family at Thanksgiving because we couldn't travel, missing the kids' school activities, and missing from this blog space.  Why?  Because I got a job exactly one month ago.  After 9+ years of not working outside the home, I finally accepted the fact that I need to financially contribute to the household, and after a few false starts, I got a wonderful job that I'm loving.  It's seasonal, so I won't be working when the kids are out of school.  Most days, I am still able to drop off the kids and pick them up at school, and man, that first paycheck sure felt wonderful.  I get to be around books all the time, and I don't have to deal with customer service.  Love!

Except for all the "missing," of course.  I feel guilty about not helping out in the classrooms, I feel stressed when Rebecca's grades seem to be slipping, and I feel sad when Jessie wakes up at 4:52 a.m. to come into my bedroom because she knows I have to be at work before she starts school the next morning and is afraid I will leave the house without saying goodbye.  I feel a pang every single day when I leave the kids, but I suppose we'll all get used to it.  Sooner or later.  I knew it was going to be hard, and a big adjustment, I just didn't think it would be such a physical feeling in the pit of my stomach every day.

Yesterday, Jessica said she'd pack me snacks for my lunch.  I got a Hello Kitty container filled with goodies.  Candies from her special Halloween stash, a Rice Krispie treat, crackers, and a love note.  Just like the ones I write for her.  Warmed and filled my heart for sure.

Comments

[dottycookie]

Oh, Jessica's note has filled my eyes with tears so goodness knows what it did to you! It is hard, this juggling of work and life. My part time job is at the school, and really ridiculously child friendly but even so the guilt is there on mornings when they look tired enough to warrant a day at home but not sick enough for me to ring in and say I can't come to work. I am sure you will make it work, and how lucky your girls are to have had you to themselves for this long! Hugs to you all.

[jodie]

When I was a kid my mum left for work before I was supposed to be up, so I would get up extra early , she would do my (very long) hair for me and then I would go back to sleep. At first it was awful but it soon became normal. Don't beat yourself up too much.

[Carol]

Aww, very cute! They'll be proud of you when they are old enough to understand.

I went to DC on a red-eye on Tuesday night to attend a meeting on Wednesday from 9:30-3:30 and came right back. Airport to airport, it was 24 hours (with the taxi rides and waiting at the airport, it was more like 27 hours). And when baby saw me, it was beautiful to be home!

[regina]

Oh Michelle, I've been thinking of you, missing you here, and have been meaning to write. You know how the days just slip away.

I am so sorry this has been so hard. But, you know you are the most awesome mommy and your girls will see how strong you are for doing this for them. You'll find a new rhythm soon and it will feel better.

Biggest hugs!!!

[Michele C]

Oh, goodness, my heart goes out to you! You have some great foundation years at home, and you are in such a routine of school mom stuff and crafting that as soon as you settle into your new schedule, I bet you start fitting those things back in. Take your time and you'll know just what to do when you have the opportunity. Don't let the days get by you too quick. Be sure to take lots of time to savor!

Michele

[futuregirl]

That note is as adorable as can be. They obviously aren't angry or mad at you. Once they get used to the new routine, there won't be any more fear of missing out on Mommy, which is too bad because the snuggles and the snack sounds awesome. :) xoxo!